A Wish for Morning

I spent most of my evening yesterday reading the blog, Rants from Mommyland. Now, before you go clicking over there, I feel that I need to add a disclaimer. I take NO responsibility for the things you will NOT get done today, because you have spent it reading this blog. Seriously, you've been warned.

Ok, now for my own wishlist of things that I would like to NOT have to do/have happen every.single.morning.

10. I would like my 2-year-old to NOT start whining about Lord-knows-what the second I open her bedroom door in the morning. Do you want out? Do you want to stay in your crib? Do you WANT to eat breakfast with a passive poop smooshed between your buttcheeks?!? You do? Well, ok then, here's some Cheerios.

9. I would like my 6-year-old to get dressed in TEMPERATURE appropriate clothing. I might add, that I would also like this to include a change of underwear without a big dramatic scene about how he JUST changed them. You know, like 3 days ago. I dream big, I know. If he does in fact come out of his room in shorts, a sleeveless top, and those damn bright green monster socks that somehow made it in my cart from the Target $1 section, please help me to resist just letting him go outside in the 20 degree weather and figuring it out for himself.

8. While we're eating breakfast, I would like my children to NOT get upset because the other one is "looking" at them. On more than one occasion my children have eaten at separate tables, which you would THINK is a genius solution, until they just start squawking at each other from a room away.

7. I would like to walk past the bathroom and not have to flush the toilet. AND, if the toilet genie HAS magically flushed a night's worth of saved up urine down the drain, I would like the toilet to actually stop running without me having to open it up and do it myself.

6. I would like my nice and sweet FIRST attempt to get my son to put his shoes on to be met with an equally sweet "ok, mom". Not the "ooooooooooh" followed by stomping and whining that he "didn't get a chance to play". Hmmmmm, maybe if he had actually played for the past 10 minutes, instead of tormenting his sister, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

5. I would like just one meal in general to not include me cleaning up a spilled drink because my son can't remember to put his cup down away from the edge of the table. If I'm going to have a huge obnoxious piece of blue Painter's tape on the table so he knows exactly where to put his cup, at least let it be worth something.

4. I would like the opportunity to have my contacts in BEFORE about 11 am. I know the UPS man just LOVES to see me in my glasses and froggy pants pajamas, but just ONCE it would be nice to actually appear like a normal human being before lunch.

3. I would like to NOT be awoken X # of minutes before the alarm goes off, by a husband that needs me to check his head to make sure he didn't miss any spots while shaving his, ahem, hair? Just because your mirror is covered in regurgitated toothpaste juice, even though I just cleaned it yesterday, doesn't mean that your wife should have to lose the last precious minutes of slumber waking up to have a head shoved in her blind face hearing "am I good?"

2. I would like just one morning where I'm not tripping over the dog every time I turn around. Yes, I realize that you haven't peed since I let you out at midnight, but unfortunately, if I haven't popped you out of my uterus, you're position on the totem pole of attention is pretty low.

1. I would like just ONE morning where I can drink an entire cup of coffee WITHOUT having to reheat it in the microwave 15 times.