Wal-Mart: 11 billion, Me: 1

Dear Wal-Mart,

I dislike you. Well actually, hate, loathe, and detest are better adjectives for how much I cringe at the thought of shopping at your stores. You're evil. You are. Unfortunately for me, I have two kids now. Sometimes the choice between a relatively short and physically easy shopping experience, versus a day in and out of the car, outweighs my emotions. You usually win. I narrowly escape death in your parking lot, shake my fists in frustration at your horrendous check-out lines, escape death a second time trying to back out of my parking space, and end up in a pissy mood for the rest of the day. But hey, at least it's only one stop right?

I want you to know though, I'm becoming a little more savvy in my mature age. I'm starting to outsmart you. A few days ago, since I needed elastic thread, eggs, and a flower pot, I was stuck going to Wal-mart if I wanted to make my day a little easier and find all these items in one place. As usual, the parking lot was a nightmare, as was evident as I waited in line just to turn in. So I paused and thought, eh, I'll just pull in the side lot next to the nursery, since I needed the flower pots anyway. I slide into this side lot and there are FOUR other cars there. Interesting. I get the kids out, put the baby in the stroller and walk easily into the nursery.

I pick up the necessary items and head to the checkout. NIGHT.MARE. There are about 5 lanes open, out of what, a 100? I head towards a line 4 deep and the woman in the back waves me ahead of her as she sorts coupons. Hey, not going to complain. I swat my older son's hand away from the candy that is beckoning him and wait to move forward. This is when deep frustration sets in. The woman that waved me ahead in now pushing her cart in front of me because she is "ready now and is taking her place". Fantastic. What exactly about a mom trying to juggle 2 kids with a stroller screams "place saver"?

After flashing her a look of death, I yank myself out of line. I'm guessing the woman didn't fair too well after I left, because at that point there were 5 more people behind me. Good luck to her though, especially trying to use those coupons with the cashier. I make a bee-line for the door, looking for a good spot to dump my cheap crap made in China so I can get the heck out of there. Since I'm steering the stroller and my 4-year-old around numerous people in our way, I make it all the way to the door. This is when I see a register with ONE person standing at it. Yeah, I know, crazy right? I'm not kidding, I swear.

Within seconds I am paying for the items and, this is the part that really had me thinking I was in an alternate universe-- the cashier was NICE TO ME! Pleasant, cheerful, SPEEDY. You hear about this kind of experience, but you never think it will happen to you. I stroll back out to my car, which remarkably is about 20 feet from the door and that's it. Shopping is finished. When I adjusted my rear-view mirror, I SWEAR I saw the car that I followed into the lot still waiting for space, but don't quote me on that.

So, in conclusion, I'd like to say---I have my eye on you Wal-Mart. Just when you think you have the consumers figured out, I throw a wrench in your evil plot to take over the world. Mwahahahahaahah!

Sincerely,

Mommy P