Angels and Demons

Tomorrow, I turn 33. A fantastic birthday, right? I'm far enough past 30 to no longer mourn my 20's, and a good distance away from 40 to laugh off any remarks of being "old".

A generation ago, another person was about to turn 33 as well. They had a fantastic life, and a beautiful house. Their oldest was also 6, and their youngest 2. They were the perfect example of what happens in life when you finally "arrive" and have the world spread out before you.

Then came synovial carcinoma, a leg amputation, and lung cancer.

Suddenly a 34 year old was staring at the last moments of a life cut way too short.

As I spend my last day being 32, I'm left with the anxiety that tomorrow begins a race to beat fate, and see a birthday that my father never reached.

How he must have felt seeing his children and thinking, "is this all they will know of me?"

Did you ever think "what did I ever do to deserve all of the wonderful things in my life"? What if the answer were........nothing. What happens when your time starts running out? If you know that it is, how can you not just feel unimaginable pain thinking that every time you do or see something, it could be the last time? How could I have possibly reached that point already?

What if I have?