Bipolarhood

Toddlers. Yes, toddlers. So cute, and inquisitive, and fun. And, "OMG, I'M GOING TO PULL MY HAIR OUT!!!"

I've been here before, it's not as if this is a big surprise. But it's kind of like childbirth, where you get through it, you come out relatively unscathed on the other side, so evolution has made it so our brain forgets the trauma in order to protect the perpetuation of the human species.

I love my children, in fact, ADORE my children. This doesn't mean though, that they don't drive me absolutely batty on a regular basis. Sadie has entered that wonderful phase of development, where instead of trying to find "words" (or dare I say even CRY), she just grunts, squawks, or screams while I try my best to decipher what she needs as fast as I can to savor what's left of my hearing. Fortunately, she has an older brother that seems to communicate with her through a sixth sense that only siblings share. So 99% of the time, if I turn to Ben and give him my most pitiful "can you help me?" look, he'll tell me what she means. Honestly, my newest fear is that someday soon Ben will realized his superpower and use it against me for evil.

Once again I find myself using the all-too-familiar phrase "use your words" when Sadie starts her mini meltdowns. Fortunately, it seems to work most of the time, because she'll immediately do a 180 and use a sign or try to tell me what she needs without screaming at painfully loud decibels. If you have a toddler, you know firsthand what living with a bipolar person must be like. One minute she'll be playing happily, and the next she'll be frantically screaming because the little person fell off the roof of her house. It's a rough life I tell ya. The speed at which they can change moods is so insanely ridiculous. They're happy, then mad, then hungry, then happy again, etc, etc. Most of the time, I find myself ignoring and waiting out the "grumpy" moods, because it's not even worth it to get her even MORE flustered when I STILL don't know what she wants. I do try to remind myself what it's like when they finally DO start talking, and enjoy the cute little baby babbles before they turn into whiny, over dramatic monologues as to why the world is sooooooo unfair and mean. :::insert pouty lips and exasperated shrugs::: I AM trying to appreciate life before actual speech comes into the mix, but it doesn't mean I can't be frustrated sometimes. Toddlerhood in general just tends to swing from one extreme to the other. When it's good around here, it's incredibly fun and enjoyable, but when it's bad, everyone's mood automatically goes to it's very worst.

So I'm here, AGAIN, using the same phrases that generations of moms before me swore they'd never use. I know it passes and everything will be fine, but geez, it really is annoying. Unfortunately, I also know that today's "use your words" will inevitably be replaced with "is there a better way to speak to me?" and "lose the attitude". You really can't ever win, can you?

BUT, it's life, and kids grow up so fast that all of the day-to-day annoyances never end up overshadowing all the absolutely amazing times that we share with them. We see all the really bad, but that also means we're here for all the good times too. We just have to make a conscious effort to let go of all the frustrating times, and only take the good memories along for the longhaul. It's not the end of the world if Sadie wakes up tonight, or Ben doesn't eat a carrot, eventually it will all work itself out. I keep telling myself that you would never learn how the world works if you didn't experience and learn from what NOT to do. It's my job to let them try new things, succeed AND fail, and just be there to guide them in the right direction.

If I have to listen to a few loud squawks every now and then, so be it.