You Are Here

You know how when you find yourself in a new place, you look at a map and there's a nice little arrow that says "You Are Here"? You see all these places you WANT to go, and CAN go to, but you have to navigate new, unfamiliar territory to get there? Or you actually know where you are, but you can't figure out how to get where you're going? You feel as if you're standing in the middle of everything, with this huge neon arrow above your head, and everyone is just waiting to see what you're going to do? All the tall buildings and "unknowns" around you are closing in and you just want to escape, but you don't know which end of the map you want to be on, or which direction you should go.

I am there. I am "here".

I have been coasting on a whirlwind of emotions for several weeks. From here to there, and back again. I'm at a point where I stand on this tiny pinpoint of what it is that I know, about to fall off in a multitude of directions onto the next path in life.

Just when I had torn the house apart to get rid of all the thing we don't need, just as I was anticipating a fun, non-dramatic summer before Ben starts Kindergarten. Just as I was forging ahead with my business and finally gaining footing on this crazy ride called parenthood. Just when I was feeling good about myself, and feeling comfortable with everything around me.........Brandon comes upstairs to tell me the VP just called him. The New Jersey territory, the consistently #1/#2 territory is opening up, the job is being posted the next day, and Brandon has his full support to get the position.

New Jersey. Before school starts. Needing to unload a custom house and buy a new one in the next FOUR MONTHS. Well WHY THE HELL NOT, I'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO?!?

What up universe? What did I ever do to you?

The past 2 weeks have been a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. Do we go, do we stay? Do we risk saying no, only to be sent someplace horrid like TN the next time around? Can we leave this house? Can we walk away from something that represents the very highest and lowest year of our married life? The long days, and nightly fights over trim and fixtures and positioning of light switches. How can we leave a home, yes not just a "house", that we built from the first shovel of dirt to the last coat of paint? A house that is everything we could ever want or need for our family? A house that is US in every room, corner, and square foot. A secluded place among cornfields for our children to run and play as they grow.

How do you say goodbye to one of your "babies"?

It's hard to think of saying goodbye to what most would consider "just a house". It is a house. A cluster of walls and floors that to most other people, wouldn't be the same without us in it. But this time it's different. It's not as easy as leaving the house in MD. This house is so much more than just a building.

So we've coasted through the highs and lows of these pending changes. We've tried our best to embrace the opportunity that life has given us, and trust that life will lead us where we need to go. Amid calls to real estate agents, and countless hours searching MLS listings, we've heard varying degrees of facts and rumors that could see us in NJ, or staying right here for the long haul. We've tried our best to remain calm and decisive for the sake of Ben's insanely inquisitive mind, and hopefully everything will work itself out sooner, rather than later.

For now, I am trying to get through each day as if nothing has changed, and enjoy this tranquil home for as long as I can. If nothing else, the possibility of having to leave all this behind has given me a new appreciation for everything I have TODAY. Who cares if Sadie had trouble falling asleep last night, and refused to nap this morning? Why does it matter that I didn't finish everything I wanted to yesterday? Why feel guilty about the ice cream I ate with Ben for dinner?

Life changes when we least expect it. Enjoy the moments you have each day, because when you finally realize what you have, it might already be gone.