House not for sale

I had a real estate agent come out to look at the house, in an attempt to see what it would list for if we by some stroke of luck are offered any sort of relocation deal for this "potentially pending" new job. This woman, drenched in horrendous scent came to our house. She did her smoozing, even feigning interest in my products while we toured the basement, and then closed with her sales pitch in an attempt to gain a nice fat paycheck. She came back the other day to report her findings.

I wanted to laugh in the woman's face.

She comes in with "comps" that are from last summer through Dec, and then goes on to say that you can't pull comps that go back more than 3 months. They are from a school district about 30 min from here, and well, they aren't comps at all. One of the properties was a 4 acre horse farm in the middle of no where.

So I listen to her go on and on, when really I just want to know the bottom line. What are you going to list my house for?

SHE.IS.ON.CRACK.

You know, I have every receipt for this house, for every single thing we bought (at cost). Fixtures, dry wall, hard wood, NAILS FOR THE NAILGUN. I know more than you think this "little 'ol SAHM/housewife in York" does. So don't sit there and feed me your BS about the housing market. First of all, it's turned around significantly, especially since the summer when these comps closed. Second of all, you can't tell me that having over an acre MORE, 500 sq ft MORE of finished space, and a 10 year NEWER house would put our asking price waaaaay below (like almost 20% below) the one half decent comp you brought to the table. W.T.F? Do you think she's taking advantage of the fact that we told her this was a relocation that needed to happen before Sept 1st?!? Perhaps that was OUR mistake, but seriously?!?

She starts comparing our house to this comp and then starts nickel and diming us for the lack of a 5th bedroom. She's sitting there with some random $$/sq ft figure and subtracting for things she thinks we don't have (even though her nosy ass walked through every INCH of this house before doing all of this). Sorry lady, it's called take our first floor study and market it all you want as having 5 bedrooms. You know, the room next to the powder room that still reeks of your nasty perfume. That's all that house did, their 5th "bedroom" was a 10x10 room on the first floor off the kitchen.

She even tried to convince me that the square footage in our TAX records is wrong, that they double counted the space for the 2-story foyer and family room. Really? I was here during the last inspection AND the tax assessment and that crusty old man calculated every dime he could legitimately get out of our property. Trust me, I was here. I am a willing payer into the tax system, but I still wouldn't have let them exaggerate the size of this house for more of my money. Really now. And for shits and giggles, I would be more than happy to pull the blueprints out and show you down to the inch how much space this house has.

The comp sheets also included finished square footage in the basement, but she refused to add OUR finished basement to our sqare footage number when comparing them. If you're going to do it on one end, you have to do it on the other. And if you're going to nickel and dime things you think we don't have, then you need to have some way of calculating things we DO. I'm not insane, I understand a buyer isn't going to "reimburse" you for custom imported tile, or other crazy decorating things you do. But I do expect the listing price to reflect things like a finished basement, an extra bay in the garage, and over an ACRE MORE land than this random comp that seems to be treated like the end-all-be-all of property value in this area.

If you couldn't find a comp, just say you couldn't find one. THEN, you need to come up with a way of arriving at our home's value. Don't sit there and try to sell me what came out of your ass. I don't care that you've been selling houses for 17 years, and your company is "the top rated" in this area. To me, that also means that you are pretty damn good at being a bull shitter too. I mean, 17 years is a long time to practice sleazy selling techniques, no?

I think what bothered me the most about this entire process (aside from me losing almost 3 hours of precious sewing time for no good reason), is that I don't take kindly to being treated like I'm some dumb female. The bottom line is that I think she is trying to take advantage of us. She thinks we need to sell quickly, and she's lazy and sees this as a quick paycheck. I would rather throw a bone to some newly licensed agent, than give her the satisfaction of even thinking she can sell this house. The agent we used to buy this lot was absolutely phenomenal. She was a new agent, and worked her ass off for what most people at the time would have considered peanuts (being that it was "only" a cheaper lot and not a huge house). Also, don't use the line "well, it's a tough time for the housing market". I get it, I watch the news. But Brandon used to BUILD these houses, and you can still only get the supplies so cheap you know? I even priced out this exact model in the next town over (a little cheaper housing over there, but not much). Which is something she could have even done, because she knows this is Ryan floorplan. I know dollar for dollar it doesn't work out, but the BASE price (without a finished basement, only a 2 car garage, on a 1/2 acre lot, and nothing added in like appliances or things like paint or chair rail, etc) was only a little less than what she wanted to list this for.

Sorry, try again. Don't let the door hit your skanky ass on the way out.

Well, actually, you know what? I may just find some humor and evil fun in all of this....... I think I'm going to enjoy the fact that while SHE thought she could take advantage of the situation, in essence what she did is make it THAT much easier for us to say no and stay here.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA...........................