Activism Isn’t About Being Better Than You

By Christie in childcare, education, mom stuff

Long ago, though I won’t say HOW long, I was in middle school. I wasn’t even sure I liked boys, and I didn’t want kids at all. In fact, I promised my uterus to my gay friend Sam, as I swore I’d never use it (Samir, you can still have it, but now it’s a little used).

When I met the guy who’s now my husband, I realized I did want kids. And with him.

So how do you go from potential lesbian, forever child-free future to major loud mouth auto-didactic child health activist?

Trial and error. By making mistakes.

Often people ask why people care. Why do I care about getting out good breastfeeding information? Why do I care how you buckle your kid in the car? Why do I care what you do during your birth? Because I wish someone had cared before me, so I didn’t have to go through what I did.

In almost every activist is someone who has had issues or scares in the places they speak against the most. When I talk about car seat safety, not only is it because my once-hospital-nurse-mother ingrained seat belt usage and dangers of accidents into my head, but because a girl in my middle school died by being decapitated by the windshield she flew threw, and because I broke a window with my head and continue to struggle with physical problems and will for the rest of my life from a car accident.

Why do I care why you buckle your child in? Because I’ve actually been there. I’ve actually been in a car accident, suffered from it, and don’t want your child to. Because I realize how even minor accidents can cause lasting pain. Because I realize how severe accidents can do more damage than most people can imagine that last a lifetime. Because I care about children… and other than when a mom takes offense to help, NORMALLY caring about children is considered to be an amiable trait. I care when I see your child buckled in wrong because I used to buckle Rowan in wrong, and realizing that scares the crap out of me, because if we had been in an accident, he could have been seriously hurt. I wish someone had told me how to fix it. I am only LUCKY that we never got into a bad accident with him strapped in wrong and my ignorance resulted in his death. So forgive me, but I don’t wish your child injury, so I want you to know you’re doing it wrong.

The Kyle David Miller Foundation is a leader in car seat safety advocacy… because the mother lost her child. I can promise you she wishes she’d had someone step in and teach her more about car seat safety before her child died.

Why do I care if you breastfeed? Because it’s hard, that’s why. Because there is so much to know, so much to learn, so much to get through, so many obstacles, especially societal and cultural, that stand in your way. There is so much misinformation, and the risks of formula are so insanely downplayed at risk of hurting someone’s feelings that women honestly aren’t making an informed decision, even when they think they are. Did you know the CDC and the WHO can’t even agree on how to mix powdered formula, because you have two options: #1. boil water and kill dangerous bacteria and nutrients in the formula or #2. maintain the nutrient count but risk your child’s health or even life with a deadly bacteria. Because I care about children, I care that they are fed in the safest manner, which is breastfeeding. Because studies show that formula fed babies are at risk for many more problems, no matter how much formula companies and often formula-feeding moms try to convince you (and themselves) that there’s little to no difference, it’s not true. Formula is an amazing, life-saving nourishment for babies… when breastmilk is not available. I had so, so many things thrown in my path, from the nurse in the hospital who never let me feed Rowan until I’d pumped colostrum to prove to her I could that was fed to him with a spoon, to the MANY bottles of ready-to-feed formula we were “gifted” with, even in the specialty children’s hospital, to the doctor who tried to schedule Rowan’s feedings to every three hours. I certainly understand how many things stand in a mom’s way. I have learned so much over the years, and I want you to know what I know, because I don’t want you to struggle. I want to help you remove so many of the barriers that I had to overcome, without you having to learn the hard way.

Zhao Lianhai, if you’ve followed his story, is an activist because his child suffered irreparable kidney damage from a knowingly-contaminated formula. I can guarantee he wishes someone had protected his child, even if it meant telling him how dangerous it could be.

I could keep going, I could go into birth explanations, but it all boils down to this: people become activists not because they woke up one day and decided to be an asshole or loudmouth. Something happens in their life that shows them that there is a specific need for more support, more information, more action in a certain area.

Even if “Why do YOU care what I do with MY child?” seems like a good retort, it’s really rather ridiculous, as caring about children and being an advocate for their health is an amiable trait, not one that should be shot down because of “parental choice.” Parents choose to do lots of things, but that doesn’t mean they’re all right or okay or healthy.

Before insulting someone or being offended by their passion, maybe you could do what activists are so often told to do, which is find out their story. Because most people start out not caring at all… but something happens that shows them someone needs to, and often, most often, it’s because they wish some activist had been there for them, and because they have something potentially life-saving to teach you, if you actually let down your guard long enough to listen.